Happiness? Priceless.

Sometimes these 'happy pills' the prescribe me feel more like a straight jacket. And how could this analogy ever be mistaken? They are modern day forms of those torture devices used to constrict a person with a mental disorder and keep them from hurting themselves or others. Personally though, it's hard living like this. This straight jacket is more constraining on my emotions rather than my body. Being an empathetic and emotional person, that's pretty much a tying down who I am. I guess the key reason I take these pills is to avoid depression. I still feel sadness from time to time, like normal people I'm told, but it's different from depression. When you're sad, you're sad and you get over it. Depression is a silent killer accompanied by anxiety, hopelessness, carelessness, and general apathy. It's like you're walking along it life and you trip and fall into a ditch. Facing down, you claim that you see no reason to get up and move on, when really, you're just looking down. You convince yourself eventually that you don't even want to get up when someone comes along, turns you over and even tried to pull you out. They show you what's worth getting up for, but you can't feel it. you've become numb laying in the dirty, cold water of your ditch. These happy pills change all that. That ditch becomes a puddle; you may step in it and be dismayed, or even stumble, but you always catch yourself. The only problem is, these pills, these mini straight jackets also constrain the rest of your emotions. The things that once brought you joy and happiness don't seem as fulfilling anymore, The sunshine is a little darker and the sky isn't that vivid blue you once remembered. The whole spectrum of emotions is dull and worn out. It's just another fading rainbow on the horizon. Anger, desire, wants, needs, hunger, passion-- everything is different. Because you're held back. Because you need to be held back. To protect yourself. To protect other. Because it's the only thing you can do. All that's left for you. Happy. Pills. Who would ever think?