Save.

Where did everything go wrong. When did my life start to go downhill. What decision was it that changed everything? I'm looking back on my life and I don't know what the heck happened. Sometimes I wish there were save points, like video games. I could just choose a point to redo and relive all over again. What point would I return to though? Would I go back to Freshman year, when I didn't know true friendship, yet I didn't know drama either? Or would I go back a year, before I lost three of my best friends. Or at least I feel like I've lost the last two of them by now. Would I go back to before, when I didn't have to pretend to be happy every single day? Maybe I'd go all the way back to my childhood and avoid coming here altogether. Would it make a difference anyway? Would I be doomed to repeat my mistakes and bad choices? I don't even know if I've learned anything. I feel like I'm still trapped by the evils I've been through. What I wouldn't give to go back and change that part of my life. What I wouldn't give to be normal, to be able to trust again without being so paranoid. I hate where my life is going right now. I don't have anyone anymore. I want to go back, I want to have what we used to have. I miss my life how it used to be, and all my friends and old relationships before I went and fucked it all up. That seems like the only thing I'm good at doing these days.