Life After Death and Taxes

God. God, God, God. Is it becoming the new norm to forsake His name? Are we still God-fearing people? Many claim to be religious, but in my eyes, religion is losing it's edge these days. I must speculate this topic, lest I go mad from the amassing thoughts that fill my head. I do not intend to post, I only write this to abate the need to express my thoughts. If I let them sit in my head any longer I fear they will fester and rot my brain.

To be frank, I don't have much belief in practical religion. I hate to admit it, I wish terribly that I did. It burns me to my very soul to own up to such a sacrilegious admittance. I've always been a thinker, though I can not fully attest myself for my own lack of faith. I can blame it on Science, but at the same time, I prefer fiction over non-fiction. I love magic, miracles and the unexplainable. Yet, maybe I should then blame it on my education on religion, or lack thereof. Whatever the matter, I do wish dearly I could just swallow all of the fantasies contained within the Bible as easily as the next person.

The biggest influence in my wishes to be more religious is based solely my fears of the mysteries surrounding death. Call me a coward, but I believe that fear in general is greatly imperative for survival. If you feared nothing, you'd probably live a reckless life without balances. On the other hand, living life in fear is not a life at all. Fear is not unlike common sense, but too much fear is a hindrance. But I digress, what I mean to say is that sometimes I fear that if I have no faith in God, what is there for me? Sometimes, out of the blue, all life is drained from my very spirit and the most horrible thoughts begin to creep into my mind. Tendrils of evil latch themselves into my head, and I stare Death in the face. As I stare into that dismal abyss, I get scared shitless, seeing nothing and wondering. Always wondering. An inquisitive mind never rests. It feels like a curse sometimes. But it does not last and I am extremely thankful. I don't know if everyone or anyone else has ever experienced this indescribable feeling, but I would not wish it upon anyone else... unless of course you truly deserved to feel like shit (I'm looking at all you murderers and truly evil people out there). Then again we are ALL capable of EVIL and GOOD, but that is an argument for another time.

What I realize is that whether you believe in God or not; what you have to realize is that you can't hold back... I can't use the fear of death as an excuse to live a watered-down life.

"Death is not the biggest fear we have; our biggest fear is taking the risk to be alive -- the risk to be alive and express what we really are." -Don Miguel Ruiz

A good friend of mine also analyzed the mystery that is death, and I implore that you read it too and really take it to heart, regardless of how macabre it may seem. I wish I had as much faith as she did, maybe then I'd be at peace of mind for the afterlife.

"Death is so random. At any given time I can die. At any given time anyone can die... Tell the people who you love that you love them often. Respect your parents and your elders because you never know when they'll be gone for good." -Nicole Cristobal

Taking this into consideration, I try to live my life without regrets. You must always think, before you speak, look before you leap- you can't just live life on impulse all the time. But at the same time, what's already done is done. You can't live life looking back wondering how thing could have been. Unless, you're an optimistic who likes to say "Could've been worse...." Regardless, if you are to live a full life, you can't hold back. You hear it all the time, but how many people actually live this way? Not a great deal, I'd say. But I just continue to live my life the best I can and prepare myself for whatever may come in the future.

I always have mixed feeling about the future. On one hand I fear the future, probably because I lack faith: faith in myself, faith in the economy, faith in the Divine. On the other hand though, I await the future like a child awaits Christmas. Like when I actually made those paper chains; you pulled one off everyday until it was Christmas day. I wouldn't sleep that day and I would wake up early and have to wait for my parents. These days, it seems like the other way around, my parents actually wake me up for Christmas unwrapping. Wow, I have rambled quite a bit, haven't I? Well, anyway, sometimes I can't wait for the future. I want to know who I marry, where I work, where I live. I can't wait to be a father, not to spoil my kids, but so I can teach them how to be polite, inquisitive, wise, strong in both body and mind, and respectful. I can't wait to be free to have my own domain and do what I like in my house. I guess that's why people play all those simulation games: Sims, Animal Crossing, etc. My future in shrouded in mystery, as is anyone elses. I wouldn't have it any other way. To cope with death, you must live. I'll live my life and meet whatever awaits me in the future head-on (apply directly to the forehead!).
Well I don't even know where I'm going with this anymore folks. Sorry to waste your time, but I hope you got even one scrap of anything out of this. If not, tough luck, should've stopped while you were ahead.

(Oh and in case you thought I forgot, the song theme for my post is in the title: Life After Death and Taxes, by Relient K. Because even though I'm not much a religious person, I still like Christian Rock)

Until next time, Paalam po!